Mogwai - Miracle

So maybe I'll get some feedback on this one, and maybe I won't. Blogging is mysterious like that.

I have to admit that most of my interest in Communications as a focus is in the manipulation of people and social situations. Does this mean that my goal is to get people to hurt themselves for my benefit? No. What I'm talking about is the ability to nudge people in the direction you want them to go. We all run into these situations on a daily basis. "I don't think this guy cares too much about fixing my car on time, how can I get him to make it a priority of his?" "I want this stereo, but I really don't want to pay $500 for it; I wonder if I can get them to give me a discount?" "I'd love to go out with that girl/guy over there, how do I get them more interested in me?"

Questions like this run through every person's mind, every day of their lives. Now the question is, do you think having the knowledge to sway their thinking is a good thing or a bad thing? If I could get you to act a certain way through the use of four words, would you think I'm a jerk? Would you believe I can do it? hehehe...

I have no ulterior motives or wish to deceive anyone, it's just a very interesting question to me. We have a major at most schools with the primary focus of conditioning people to interact well with others, and a secondary focus of how to interact with others in a way that benefits your agenda. Very cool and scary at the same time.

ps. the song I'm listening to is linked and free for download.

Talking Heads - Stay Up Late

Well, chu updated his blog, so I'll do the same. I can't even remember if I've talked about it here, but I've been doing quite a bit lately to get myself in order. Back in June I decided that I was tired of people, some of which are even "friends" running my ass over at every turn. I was also tired of being the chubby guy that managed to get a date once in a while if very lucky. So the first place I started was the rec center up at school. With some help from my friend up here in Denton, I found a good lifting routine and have stuck to it. My strength has increased quite a bit in the three months since then, and I think it's making a visible difference. Hell, I've never been too strong in my upper body, and actually held on for a little bit arm wrestling my brother...lol. Next time I'll beat him.

But it's not just the lifting. I've also been reading a lot more, trying to get a more balanced view on the world. Up until recently I was of the opinion that I best not say or do too much else people might think I look like an ass. Well guess what, as one of my friends put it, "everyone looks like an ass at some point or another." There's no sense in worrying about what other people think of you, and that's a lesson I'm slowly starting to learn. I'm not gonna say I'm at the point yet where I could tackle anything, but I'm getting closer.

I spent last night, a Saturday night, cleaning out the crap in my bedroom. I filled the dumpster outside my apartment with shit I don't need, and took four bags of clothes over to the Salvation Army. Maybe some bigger guys can enjoy the clothes that I was wearing back when I was fat and working for a living. Even though it was way out of my way, it made me feel kinda good that I was at least trying to help out, even if they don't need a single thing I dropped off. I'm getting my bedroom in order so that I feel like I have an apartment, and not just a living room and the room where I sleep.

And then finally, there's the whole girl* situation. Since I've been focusing less on finding someone, I've been noticing interest popping up. I think a combination of me getting my life in order, which is providing confidence I've lacked for quite a while now, in addition to my ever changing physique is generating the buzz. I've gotten compliments recently on my smile, hair, whatever. One girl in my arch lab constantly glances over now, and seems to agree with everything I say, no matter how stupid it is. In the rec center today, one was staring at me from behind while on her treadmill, oblivious until the very end that I was watching her do this in a mirror on the wall.

I think it's all starting to come together the way I want it. As long as school turns out fine, and I can accomplish some of my goals (got 31 so far), I'll be exactly where I want to be. It's not just one thing, like wanting to do well in school, or find a girl, or feeling comfortable in my environment. It's about being the man that I want to be, and knowing that when I make a decision that I'm not going to second guess it and wonder what if. I'm tired of regretting things that I should've done or could've done. From now on, my goal is to know that when a situation arose, I did everything I could to take control of it and go for the outcome I want. I might not always get that outcome, but at least I'll know that I made the effort.

* It's come to my attention that some girls would rather be called women as they think girl is degrading. Tough shit. Girls are gonna be girls to me until they get married or hit 40, whichever comes last.

Oasis - Lyla

Well, North Texas dropped pretty hard at home to a mediocre Tulsa team. Peg another out of conference loss up on ol' Darrell "high school coach" Dickey. I think his record in OOC is either 3-21 or 3-22 now. Hooray.

Tailgating before the game wasn't bad, even if it was 212 degrees outside. Met some people during the game and stayed right to the bitter end. Got home, unloaded all the stuff from the truck, took a shower and got the hell out to the bars, which was quite a bit of fun. Science says that alcohol is a depressant rather than a stimulant, and I disagree to an extent. While drinking alone I'm sure will definitely make you feel the depressant part of it, when you're out with friends and having a good time, it's totally different. Alcohol is more like a mood amplifier. If you're in a good mood, you'll have a great time; vice versa if you're in a bad mood.

Where it is a depressant, rather than a stimulant is how your body reacts. What I mean is, that I can feel everything starting to relax whenever I drink. It's not that I'm a tense person, or that I drink regularly, but that feeling is nice from time to time. It's like letting out a burst of stress in one night. If you're fortunate enough not to have hangovers, like me, you wake up the next day refreshed and feeling like a million bucks.

I needed that feeling after these first couple weeks of real schoolwork, coupled with a little bit of stress that had built up, and the fact that Tulsa made my school's football team look like they were new to the game. That's all for now. I may or may not keep doing the fall preview thing, we'll see.

Lemon Jelly - '68 aka Only Time

So I got back yesterday from Vail, Colorado. It's such a great place that it felt like I was coming back to reality in Texas. Hot weather, flat landscape, and nothing in particular to set it apart from any other state in the country. But instead of going further in bashing Texas, which isn't all that bad, I'd rather talk about something else.

My brother is now officially married. The whole time spent out there as a groomsmen for him was great, and really opened my eyes on a couple things. The first is that everyone has their own path in life. Maybe it's the recent plunge further into communications classes, maybe it was the thin air, or maybe it was the alcohol. Whatever it was, it let me see in some people where they've come from and where they are now. I could tell who'd been picked on in high school, who'd always had everything right there for them, and several other insights. It made me wonder how easily people read me. Can someone talk with me for five minutes and deem me this or that? I guess that's a rhetorical question...

The other major thought to cross my mind was about marriage itself. I can't say that it's something I feel anywhere near ready for, but it did make me look at my past. Past girlfriends, girls I look at while out on the street, etc. I don't think anyone I've dated or had interest in would qualify for marriage material; even the ones I dated and dropped me instead of the other way around. It's not meant as a slight to anyone, as they will probably find the one for them and be happy, I just haven't found the one for me yet. My brother set the bar pretty high, and I'm going to try to match it. I really like that course of action, because not only does it keep me from thinking about it all the time, it also puts the power back in my hands. No longer am I worried about whether or not I am good enough for someone else, but instead, are they good enough for me? Does that person have what it would take for me to want to wake up beside them for the rest of my life? My guess is 99% of the time, no, and when I do find that 1%, it'll go a lot smoother than it would've before this last weekend.

Those are my rambling thoughts. I'll continue with the fall preview and some more movie reviews soon, I hope!